That awkward first question

Last week I had someone ask me a question, which I haven't been asked in a while, but is part of why I started this blog.  That question was "How did you know something was wrong with your child?"

The first time I was asked that question, before my son was diagnosed, left me confused and hurt.  I wondered what was wrong with my child, and found myself wondering if that was why I received so many harsh stares and awkward moments of eye contact with gawking onlookers in the grocery store.  How was I supposed to know as a young mother with my first child, that throwing a fit for 30 minutes about sitting down in the grocery cart was not typical?  I thought I was just being a patient loving mother, but I digress.

The other night, the answer I gave this person who asked me this awkward question (which I don't mind being asked anymore) was that you can't always know that a child who has "autistic traits" is actually Autistic.  There is a fine line between determining if a child who likes cars, is actually fixated on cars, or if a child who spins is actually self-soothing or just spinning for enjoyment, or if they are hand-flapping for the sound, or just because they have water on their hands that they are trying to get off.  I stood up and even visually portrayed for this worried grandmother what hand flapping, and spinning looked like and tried to help her see the differences.  We discussed what it means when a child doesn't make eye contact, or why they might not be responding to their name, "are they just around the corner out of earshot, or are they right in front of you and are not responding to their name?"

Many of the traits witnessed in a young child that is Autistic are also exhibited in a child who has no disability at all, and so in the end it takes the help of a professional to determine whether or not a child needs help.  In the end you won't help your child either, whether or not they are Autistic, by simply forcing them to stop these worrying behaviors.  The best step is to get your child assessed as early as possible!!!

On the website Autism Speaks, under the tab What is Autism? there is a description of the disability as well as links to other resources.  In the left had column there is a link for Learn the Signs.  That would be the most professional resource I could easily find online for a parent who is new to this world of Autism.  That website would contain a world of information I could only touch on, and has experts who weigh in on this topic.  

The rest of the answer to that question for any concerned parent, is that you, "you", YOU know your child far better than anyone else.  If you're concerned, just get your child checked out.  There really is no harm in it.  The least the experts will do is tell you "no, your child is developing just fine", the best they will do is help you along this journey. 

If you're still wondering how to do that, the steps are easy to follow, but you will gather a lot of information along the way so be prepared to ask questions and get involved!

*Start by visiting your child's pediatrician and express your concerns.

*Request an evaluation depending upon the outcome of that conversation.

*Cooperate with those who come to your home to evaluate your child.
     **Share, share, share with them the stories of your child.  Not only your concerns but the things you take pride in as a parent.  Give them the full picture of your child, because in the end, you are the expert and the advocate for your child. 

*Recognize and accept that not all children with disabilities will always receive at-home interventions, Speech Therapy, Occupational Therapy, and Physical Therapy (along with any other therapies unique to your child).  
      **They may be evaluated for them, but they may not qualify.  Try to find out why and decide if you need to pursue those services any further. 

*Take your child to the therapies that they qualify for, and observe their progress!
     **This will help you take pride in how wonderful your child truly is.
     **Take some of the tips you will be given home with you, and try them out!  Some therapies will surprisingly resolve problems that seem insurmountable to overcome and will make your home life so much happier for all of you. 

Regardless of whether or not your child has a diagnosed disability, they might still need Speech Therapy, or Occupational Therapy, or Physical Therapy to help with their development.  Accepting that help doesn't necessarily mean your child has a long term disability when they just need help "for right now" instead of for the rest of their lives. 

My final note to people who are concerned, is to" let other people tell you no.  No, your child is not Autistic.  No they are not disabled".  If you're concerned, let someone else who is a qualified professional tell you if you need to be any more concerned about your child.  If the answer is yes, there is something going on and your child would benefit from some additional help right now, grieve for a while, but I would advise you to quickly get to work to give you and your child a brighter future. 

It might be hard to accept this kind of help for your child at such a young age, but I believe that in the end that if you accept that help, you're giving them a brighter future, and you're giving yourself a better chance at being a successful parent.  You deserve that, the chance to feel like a great parent!  You're also giving yourself peace of mind as a parent, whether or not you like the answers to your questions.  You can find out what needs to be done (or not done) to help your child, and that, quite frankly, is so much easier than being the person stared at mysteriously in the grocery store.